Rather than talking about my daily activities or keeping a plain diary of my
travels, here I'd like to share my thoughts, opinions, sometimes my innermost
feelings, and yes fantasies, dreams..whatever might inspire me or encourage
me to write, if you indulge me. I will be adding to the content regularly and
don't worry, no membership fee required, my blog/diary here is by no means
Maybe after I publish some of it in my upcoming book..;-)
So enjoy and check back soon for regular updates..
All my life I have always had boyfriends who were as conventional as it got, very sexual and loving but also very monogamous (yes, I know, I have been lucky!), and I was expected to be equally monogamous while the relationship lasted...which always thought as long term which I didn't have much problem with. When I was in love I wasn't interested in anyone else anyway. However, the idea of spending a whole life with one person made me feel suffocated -to say the least- (except in two single isolated cases, one very recent, my whole life, I didn't feel that way but..that is for another time). Maybe that's why I have led a serial monogamist lifestyle (in my pre-Tess life).
Even my short-term boyfriends/lovers that I have been meeting through my professional companionship days seemed to have that thoroughly conventional and traditional streak. I seemed to invoke that wholesome, pure girlfriend image that inspired very protective, caring and possessive tendencies in them..which I always loved and felt touched by..well, until my latest experience..What do you know?
This business keeps you open to new possibilities, at all times!
I spent a whole week with a gloriously handsome, super successful, smart, elite and wildly famous man (in his late 30s only) in a private island! (Yeah, I know I am lucky!) While professing his love for me he also proposed at the end of the week! Here's the catch: the marriage he is proposing has the most unusual twist: it is a polyandric marriage! Yes, married in every which way while he puts me on a pedestal, worships me as a Goddess and stays faithful to me for life (at least that's what he is shooting for for now and seems very sincere!), he loves the idea of me being with other men, whomever I want, whenever I want, every which way I want it..He gets the biggest thrill out of that! Children? No problem! More different fathers the merrier..I am laughing when I write this..It goes against all previous thoughts, concepts of love and marriage I had before, learned, studied, held holly..but I can't say..well...I am not intrigued...Would you not? Especially when I think about the reverse..which is a nightmare scenario for me!..I am as possessive and jealous as it gets when I am in love! So maybe.. just maybe...I have found my perfect match! Hah hah! So unexpected...yet...intriguing...isn't it?
What would you do?
Please keep your comments coming and help me make a decision...It is still brand new and we are still talking...and I am...still...quite intrigued... (with little hesitation spicing it up! :-)...
back to top
That Sultry Autumn Evening (unedited from a fan's mail)
He had seen her photos on her website and yearned to meet one day this ever so mysterious beauty that seemed just the personification of female perfection to him. He constantly thought about and fantasized..strange maybe but to look into those eyes, to put his hand forward and caress that gorgeous thick golden mane, to put his arms around those beautiful shoulders, to stroke her ever so mysterious face with his forefinger from those high cheekbones down to her generous..beautiful..mouth..
Finally..The soft knock. There she stood, as an exquisite apparition. He bowed to kiss her soft, fragrant hand, with long, elegant fingers. As he led her in, her high heels clacked. She walked ever so elegantly. When she was seated on the sofa, he asked her name. 'Tess', she said, ' for now', with a mischievous smile and a wink. He sighed. Elle est tellement belle, he thought, so beautiful. A true countess, per chance? Verily, a temptress..a high priestess of the sensuous. It was to be a night of romance. He sat down on the sofa on her right and poured the champagne that was chilling on ice. To us, he said. She smiled again that lit up her exquisite face and nodded. He saw her dainty lips form an 'O' as she began to take a sip. She gave a tiny and elegant shudder (that a less perspicacious observer would have missed) as the cold bubbly liquid coursed its way down her throat. Her cheeks reddened ever so daintily. Only a really devoted man would have noticed. As she placed the glass down, he could see a faint mark of that pink lipstick on it. Their eyes met and she could see the gentle expression of desire in those soft yet strong brown eyes. Another sip this time the shudder went all the way through her body, to her stomach and below. She knew it was only partly the chilled bubbly. He moved closer. As he snuggled up to her, he wished he could cuddle up with her forever. His left arm went around her shoulder. She could feel his sweet warm breath as his face came close, his puckered lips seeking out hers..Who was this man? Latter-day Romeo or Sir Galahad? Or Bozo the clown? Only time would tell...
In that almost ethereally romantic room, she sat with this exotic but passionate stranger. His soft brown eyes were full of adoration, his face flushed with passion. His left hand reached up to touch her silken tresses of gold that shone in the candlelight. As his soft yet strong hand caressed her hair, a shudder of delicious excitement ran down her body. She realised she was melting for this gentle stranger. His courtship was stunning and made her feel like a teenage virgin again. She gasped with pleasure revelling in the attention of her companion. Her lips waited in complete passive anticipation. She yearned with every fiber of her feminine being to be kissed all over...
(What an exquisite romantic you are! :-) Thank you dear V!)
back to top
Unspoken Words...Unlived Lives...
He looked at me with those familiar, big, baby blues, the baby blues that I loved so much...one intense second too long..that made me shiver..As if he was looking into my soul..all naked...all exposed...as if he was going to speak the unspoken...With an unfamiliar intensity, emphasizing every word, he whispered: "did you know that I loved you with all my heart?" "did you know that you were the love of my life from the first moment on.."...Ah, so much awaited words...So much missed...So much wished for...Yes, I kind of knew..I kind of felt...but it has never been put into words. So I pretended not to know and he pretended not to say it...although he said it a thousand times every time we were together with his every look into my eyes, his every touch..."All my life I compared everyone to you, wishing they could fill the void, wishing they could be you.." I couldn't listen anymore...His words were piercing my heart like the cruelest of bullets...Why now? Why after letting all our lives pass by? Why? What is the use now? I wanted to stop him right there. He wasn't going to. "I spent all my life dreaming about what it could be. You were in everything that I did. You were in everything that I breathed. The thought of you consoled me in my darkest of hours. I always imagined your eyes, your beautiful, magnificent, sad, child-like eyes..and it strangely filled my heart with hope..yet.. you never knew..." I couldn't help but interrupt
him: "..but you never told me...How could I have known? You were always a closed door for me" "You didn't try to open it" he replied.
"The key was in your hands..If I didn't see other eyes when I looked into yours, if I could see that you loved me...if for one moment I truly believed you did...I would turn the world upside down for you!" ...My heart stopped...Why was he saying those words now? Wasn't it too late? Why did he wait so long?...My whole life was passing by before my eyes like an old movie..We were standing at the end...with all those unspoken words and our unlived lives...I wanted to scream on top of my lungs and stop the clock, rewind the whole movie...yet no sound came out...only a tear...then the sharp sound of the telephone...over and over again..In sweat, I turn..Oh, thank Goodness! It is just a dream...It is just a dream...
(original script, all rights reserved, TM@TessEloise)
back to top
O My Darling Troubles Heaven With Her Loveliness
The main reason why I enjoy being Tess so much is that I get the chance to meet absolutely wonderful men who are such lovely human beings with such generosity of spirit and the time we share together nourishes my soul so much that 'as a collective', I am totally head over heels in love with 'them'. I couldn't cherish my friends and our connection more..One of these wonderful -and quite handsome! and talented ;-) gentlemen friends with whom I share a great love of poetry, has been sending me lovely poems, throughout the years, some his own writings -really good writings-, some from poets we both love and appreciate..
The following is the last one he sent me and brightened my day -from Kenneth Patchen-. With his permission I wanted to share it with you all. Thank you, dear R.
O My Darling Troubles Heaven With Her Loveliness
O my darling troubles heaven
With her loveliness
She is made of such cloth
That the angels cry to see her
Little gods dwell where she moves
And their hands open golden boxes
For me to lie in
She is built of lilies and candy doves
And the youngest star wakens in her hair
She calls me with the music of silver bells
And at night we step into other worlds
Like birds flying through the red and yellow air
O she touches me with the tips of wonder
And the angels cuddle like sleepy kittens
At our side
back to top
Why Choose The Life of an Expat (vs. Own Comfy Little/In Some Cases Glamorous, Well-Sheltered Life "at Home") (Episode III)
-Solitary Self-Enriching Experience
-Revolt Against Community and Normality
Many factors are into play here; however, -for me, at least- the major one definitely is wonderlust! That was the starting point at least. Expatriatism is essentially a Western "thing", born of that explorer/conqueror wonderlust. Non-Westerners also choose to live abroad, but in a different manner. They usually take their culture over to the host country and establish themselves in a little colony where their culture is fully recreated like a little replica of home (think Chinatown, etc). Their relocation is for mainly economic reasons and it's done gregariously. However, what defines expatriatism as a Western phenomenon is that expats seek expatriation for its own sake, to experience difference and feed off it creatively; they do it in a solitary way as a self-enriching experience that is anathema to any sense of community or normality which is precisely what expatriatism is a revolt against.
The word basically sums up the whole experience. The accepted norms and rules of conduct, ethics and social etiquette no longer hold. YOU ARE FREE IN THE MOST TERRIBLE AND EXCITING SENSE OF THE WORD! You can reinvent yourself, experiment with your life, experiment with different lifestyles (hello!;-), (like choosing to be a professional companion -that back home you would not even dream/fathom it in a million years-), you get drunk on a Monday or just stay up until 6 in the morning surfing the net or "catching up with your reading, sleep until afternoon the next day, convince people and yourself that putting your diploma(s) on a shelf, quitting your high paying, secure corporate job/potentially brilliant career and working on freelance projects here and there while continuously studying this and that is a legitimate -although not quite optimum in a conventional sense- path in life!
The natural result of your state of deracination is Gen X-Pat limbo.
Your life is on hold in a vacuum where time not only defies perspective, but you find that there is somehow more of it, that you are not rushing as much with yourself, your goals and your expectations, all caught up in the matrix of family, friends and colleagues at home. It is a welcome relief at first but causes you to lose touch after a while, making the transition when back at home that much more unbearable, thus often leading to re-expatriation.
Normality in each and every sense is on hold as you are caught in a
country, city, society where you are an estranged outsider, where you
have no say in politics, in how things are done, in what needs to be
changed(or not). Every time you voice criticism you will be shouted
down by the flawlessly myopic (trying to be politically correct
here!:-)) "It's not your country, it is ours, so if you don't like
it, go home" rant. Also the language is a b- to learn and nobody
picks up on your subtle sense of irony and sarcastic humor at all! :-))
Oh, how much in love have I been with this lifestyle and for so long!
It has been such a wealth of experience! It has been exceedingly
wonderful... more than one ever can dream about!
Now settling down seems equally irresistably romantic to me -that
which always seemed like the biggest nightmare of all now beckons me-
and I am so drawn to it, that is where my new happiness awaiting me.
How exciting to march into a totally brand new territory, all
sparkling and spanking new! YES! I simply cannot wait! :-)
back to top
Gen X-patters (Episode II)
These BTDT (Been There Done That) Gen X-Patters hog internet bandwidth as aggressively as they hog the chicest downtown suburbs in their temporarily adopted cities of choice; gentrifying like fashionable culture-moles until a neighborhood achieves just the right balance of local authenticity and cosmopolitan faux-Village/Soho convenience and trendiness. Whether you are in Condesa in Mexico City or Cihangir in Istanbul you are in the same place paying the same inflated price for your canned tuna salad and overcooked pasta at the fashionably gimmicky local brasserie. But there are some features that unite different generations of expats on a more fundamental level than than certain superficial idiosyncracies might indicate: just as the Lost Generation (Pound, Elliott, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, etc) and the Beat Generation (Ginsburg, Burroughs) were an intellectual minority who sought to escape the all-pervasive White Anglo-Saxon Protestant capitalist work and life ethic of the US to immerse themselves in the cosmopolitanism of Europe in the 20s, 30s, or the 50s, today's Generation X-pats also leave their countries with the hope of immersing themselves in something more than is offered in their homeland. Political, social and economic saturation has given rise to a hyper-competitive corporate totalitarianism and generally deranged mainstream in the US, while the aging and sterile technocracy that is emasculated post-post WWII Europe, is teetering on the side of an over-regulated continental open-air museum.
In other words, choosing to leave one's own country to become an expatriate is still a valid form of protest against the suffocating centrism of Western democracies that strangle any true avenue of dissent or change, and against a stuffy societal and economic system that has become so regulated as to demand either conformity or marginalization.
Here are some main points that further define Generation X-Pat, in New York, London, Paris and beyond:
(continued next week, hopefully! :-)
back to top
Generation X-Pat (Episode I)
I've lived most of my life as an expat in various countries, have been raised absorbing various cultures of the world since I was too young to remember. Although at the very beginning I had no say in this lifestyle - you simply go where your parents take you when you are a minor, later it became a lifestyle of choice that I am still continuing to enjoy to this day. Maybe a bit tired, maybe desiring to have a taste of the traditional for a change. For the first time in my life? You bet! Transition period? Maybe, who knows... :-) I don't only have certain ideas but loads to say based on true, hands on, day to day, life experience.
The idea of expatriate life evokes romantic images of the bygone Lost Generation looking from afar: Ernest Hemingway, F Scott Fitzgerald or Henry Miller, living day to day, scraping together just enough francs for a bottle of Beaujolais, a hotel room and 20 Gauloises. Some of the greatest novels of the time were scribbled onto cafe napkins between a bullfight and a date with a lady of the night, chased by a shot of absynthe and a swift departure to the mountains for a revolutionary battle alongside a band of Spanish mercenaries. But times have changed: neither do we take up grand causes and fight in wars of foreign idealism for the greater good imbued with the conviction that the future could be changed through our actions, nor do we correspond through hand written letters with our heart's desire..We live in the age of ATMs and e-mails, internet, jet travel, health insurance, relocation companies, visas and terrorism..and as a result the expat life isn't exactly what it used to be..
Whereas our expat predecessors created masterpieces like 'A Movable Feast', 'Down an Out in Paris and London', or 'Under the Volcano'..these days we are instead subjected to blogs about taxi rides gone wrong, foreign language blunders at cocktail parties and banal culture-clash anectodes about how Chinese spit or how nobody in Paris cleans up after their dogs..
From Hong-Kong to Buenos Aires to London, the expat life has become pretty much homogenous, with the same problems, the same kind of stories, and the same cliches, and generalisations. In a globalised world even the phenamenon of difference has become the same standard of experience. So, in succession to the frontier-crossing generations of the Lost and Beat, we now have generation X-Pat (myself included):
overeducated thirty something generation X'ers with Hemingway syndromes who travel for the sake of expanding their impressive BTDT (been there done that) collection through self-indulgent blog rants and volumes of online JPEG's. (will continue next week..)
back to top
The Amazing Power of Beauty II
Men whom I admired and equally intimidated me for years when I was an adolescent, professors, politicians, celebrities around my family for whom I had been totally irrelevant, who hadn't even pay any attention to me so far, and had treated me nothing but just like they would treat a child started to take 180 degree shifts and started to make a complete fool out of themselves...just to get my attention! Trying to do things for me, rushing to please me at any chance they got, trying to talk to me, to be alone with me, just to experience a brush of hair, a stare to my naked legs, newly developing breasts, new curves, maybe a careless sit on the chair that might display something "naughty"...it seemed totally ridiculous to me, it repelled and excited me at the same time but basically stunned me.. After all who was I? Just a developing child! I played with their boys to my heart's content until yesterday, right? I was nothing but a clay shaping up (to be my present self but it was going to take up some time to get here from there). These men who had lived impressive, full lives and mesmerized me at one time with their brilliance, success and/or respected path in life, they were completely powerless by my beauty? Wow! How silly! and What an insanely unfair power! It was like it didn't even matter to them who I was. They would sweat and get completely distracted when I entered in the room and stare trying to disguise it making complete fool out of themselves, it was really funny (and in a sense embarrassing for them). So for quite a while I enjoyed and experimented playing with this intoxicating little toy, the amazing power of beauty. It was new to me so I needed to understand and experiment. I broke many hearts along the way (sorry I was just a child then, and I am quite aware of the karmic consequences of such games now!:-), pushed limits and saw how Y chromosome carriers (sorry gentlemen that is the plain truth) could be blinded by simple exterior. Great power necessitates equal amount of responsibility and delicacy though. Soon I was going to realize that! After a big scene that a completely drunk and out of control very high profile politician created under my window to the horror of my family and to the great delight of a few journalists that popped up out of nowhere..my realization was complete. Next day a family man with stellar trach record, twice old enough to be my father in one instant was the talk of the town and ruined! What made men lose their heads to such extent? I was frightened for them. I had a choice to make, either keep enjoying this tremendous power and grow up to be a home-wrecking vixen or let my beauty take a back seat and develop to be a woman of great depth, sophistication, intelligence and beautiful accomplishments that I can admire to the fullest and be proud of. I defined all nuances by one by. Choice should be obvious by the creation I hope, and I strive to perfect it every day, living consciously by the higher laws. "Devil" tempts sometimes, and sometimes it is such a sweet whisper..but I chose my weapons wisely and with heart, has been practising that to this day. Afterall, it is our kindness and such legacy that will outlive our mortal bodies, isn't it?
back to top
The Amazing Power of Beauty
To be honest, I have always been considered "blessed" with my looks, literally since the moment I was born, yet I didn't quite fully grasped what it actually was until later in life. The very first words of my mother's OBGYN who helped my birth was "congratulations, you just had the future Ms. France!" with a huge smile calling all other doctors and nurses to see me which later has been told countless times during family gatherings of all sorts while I grew up. My family, however, made sure that didn't take precedence over my life and constantly kept me grounded by putting the empasis on my academic and worldly achievements instead of letting me get lazy and collect on my God-given feminine gifts which a lot of beautiful women, even some only remotely attractive women don't mind doing at all, as we know and see all around, all the time. All intellectual and philanthopic endeavors were highly encouraged both for me and my siblings to the fullest, in my household. In my reality, beauty was no big deal at all that I took entirely for granted and didn't care. I liked getting my hair down, playing with the boys, getting dirty and muddy which made my mother crazy. I simply didn't like girls games with dressing up dolls, playing house...I didn't understand how it was fun. I liked getting physical and sweaty when I played! Pegeants, child modeling, commercials were just a game that allowed me alone and quality time with my mother -otherwise I wouldn't have cared for- thus gave us the opportunity to further bond but when it was over, it was over, time for homework first then I could play all I wanted! Although societal dynamics are very different in Europe comparing to the US on the subject, it wasn't until my teens that I discovered what I was holding in my child hands and the amazing power it (I!)possessed! It was the summer of my 14th birthday that I noticed a drastic shift in the dynamics between me and men (of all ages, young, old, middle-aged, cultured, not-so-cultured, middle or upper socio-economic group, urban, rural, etc, just Y chromosome, period, if you know what I mean!)..Oh la la! It was incredible! :-))))
(continued next week..)
back to top
Dogs vs Humans
Being a mental health professional I have to apologize in advance for the un-serious approach of what I am about to say in a few New York minutes. Obviously it is meant to be taken lightly. I am a raging humanist on top of my dedication to psychology and there is no offense intended for my fellow humans, obviously. Having said that sometimes I can't resist but notice how dysfunctional we, humans can be comparing to our dogs. Have you ever noticed how inconsistent, unstable, pathologically dysfunctional, unhappy and unloyal we are comparing to our four legged friends? I am afraid that is only the beginning. Here's a fun personality test (courtesy of helpself.com), wouldn't you like to see it for yourself? :-)
Again, it is meant to be entertaining (eye-opening also?), have fun!
1. Your Dog You Equal... joyfully undertake frequent vigorous physical exercise.
2. Your Dog You Equal... happily eat the same food day after day.
3. Your Dog You Equal... almost always cheerful, fun-loving, ignoring aches and pains
4. Your Dog You Equal... need no medical help (valium, prozac, etc) to relieve stress or tension.
5. Your Dog You Equal... seize most every opportunity to enjoy the natural world.
6. Your Dog You Equal... can take criticism and blame without resentment.
7. Your Dog You Equal... can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him/her.
8. Your Dog You Equal... can face the world without any lies and deceit.
9. Your Dog You Equal... can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.
10. Your Dog You Equal... can joyfully live without pep pills, cigarettes or liquor.
11. Your Dog You Equal... weight in more normal proportion to body.
12. Your Dog You Equal... can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.
13. Your Dog You Equal... can understand and accept when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.
14. Your Dog You Equal... have no prejudice or discomfort WHATSOEVER with others' creeds, colors, religions, or beliefs.
SCORING: Add up the number of test questions answered with a Your Dog response and subtract the number of online test questions with a You response. That is your score on this online psychological personality test. The AVERAGE quiz score in the past has been the dog winning by 3-4 questions over the human; only 2% claimed they did better than their dogs while taking this quiz online.
Most who truthfully answer the above will discover that their dog scored somewhat better than they on this personality test. The mildly sneaky intent of this "competition" is to suggest that we all might look to our dogs as BEACONS of mental health with many behaviors and responses to which we could well aspire as our longterm health goals. Too often we give ourselves just another set of excuses for our unhappiness and dysfunctional behaviors and fail to realize that we need such longterm health goals if ever we are to achieve a measure of happiness and contentment.
back to top
The Domestic Goddess
After delving so much into sex (that was fun though, wasn't it? and I promise we will get back to the topic;-), science and objective observation of the most subjective and controversial human behaviour, let's pursue a lighter road today towards another interest area of mine that I am at least as passionate about: domestic pursuits, specifically cooking at home and entertaining! Yes, as a lifetime world traveler, a ferociously independent nomad, and a non-conformist free thinker, it comes as a total shock to most of my friends to uncover that I am also perfectly happy being the docile girly girl on my down time, a big nurturer, a "Domestic Goddess" if you will, as all my boyfriends would refer to, with apron on entertaining friends and family at home and absolutely loving it! A big Martha Stewart fan and dedicated follower! I love experimenting with various decorating ideas, re-arranging my furnitures -yes, sometimes frantically until I find the perfect layout-, feng-shui'ing every single spot in my house, experimenting with growing exotic plants and herbs, cooking and even baking (all from scratch, yes, I am not kidding you!). I simply L-O-V-E to entertain! I take great pleasure out of throwing intimate dinner parties, high-tea's..Feeding my loved ones simply feed my soul. My latest interest is in zen-cooking. I highly recommend experimenting with this idea if you are at all interested in healthy living and don't want to give up your love of great food. Going to Farmer's Market during weekends is fast becoming my standard routine and filling my fridge with wholesome food, organic, healthy and all delicious! Mmmm! I grew up with the most delicious and exotic of all cuisines in the world, so it is simply not an option to give up on my taste buds. Ah, I am so glad I am not modeling anymore and live on lettuce leaves, obsessing over being size zero and under! What a nightmare that was! Loving my life, my food and my body, that is the winning formula if you ask me! I think I found the "perfect" balance with zen, 85% all right and 15% pure sinful indulgence= well I never said it was ALL perfect, did I :-) If you want to know more about my all time favorite recipes, my winner formulae for all sorts of home entertainment and great restaurant choices all around the world keep taking a look once in a while, I love sharing those little life's pleasures with great friends :-)
back to top
NY vs. LA, Strange Extremes of America
NY was my first stop when I first came to America, obviously, and I must say, it was love at first sight! I love the dense, compact nature of NY. You can build a life within a few blocks, everything within your reach and only a few minutes apart from each other. I love how unapoligizingly real NY is. NY is life at its best to me with all the options it offers, arts, culture, the best restaurants in the country, the best level of service and sometimes it can get a bit hard to take but at the end NY is also simply "integrity". You always know where you stand with a New Yorker. No sugarcoating, no going around the bushes, direct as a stick! In a world full of BS, I find that refreshing! So, there was never a hesitation for me as to where to live except those few winter months that put a strain into anybody's social life who doesn't have the opportunity to travel abroad often (which is not an issue for me as I am constantly mobile) and I LOVE coming back to NY! Especially from LA! That in fact would be the best thing about LA, yes, coming back to NY! :-)
There are fans of both cities, both coasts obviously. I have been looking around the net, and here is my favorite quotes about this old debate:
From Jim Meskauskas, Chief Strategic Officer of Underscore Marketing:
"My coastal cultural analysis?
People with intelligence and ambition move to New York.
People with intelligence move to San Francisco.
People with just ambition move to LA."
The other one, I found through "my wife's blog" (in Hungarian) from John Updike:
"The true New Yorker secretly believes that anyone living anywhere else must somehow, in a sense, be kidding."
And I'd like to finish with my favorite joke that, to my opinion pretty much summarizes the difference bw NY and la-la land, oops, did I say la-la land, my apoligies, I meant LA :-)
What's the running joke? Only difference between NY and LA... In LA they say "have a nice day," and they mean "f- you." in NY they say "f- you," and they mean "have a nice day.":-)))
back to top
Could not sleep all night.
The thought of you coming back..the thought of
you coming into my life..with all my nakedness..and with all your nakedness..in
soul we connect..I know...This is something so different than I have ever
even dreamed...after all that challenge and blocks and..some more challenge,
tears and sorrow and nay saying crowds, yours and mine...despite everything,
despite all that...here you are..here's the unthinkable..right in my very own
hands..right before my eyes, right in flesh :-) I smile.. I decide to shut the
mind chatter..drives me insane in the middle of the night. My heart doesn't
listen anyway.. My love is uncontainable... My love for you is pouring out of
me..They don't know, they have no clue, they could not even guess in their
wildest dreams. I am so inspired, I am so awake..every cell in my body.. and I
am ready to jump out of my skin, I don't know how I will be able to
wait..until we are in each other's arms! Until our lips finally touch! My skin is
burning for you..Ah, I dreamed of this moment for so long.. There still is 14
hours till I get to melt in you...till I consume, inhale and be one with
you..till I get consumed by you..
I so crave you, I so crave you..
I find Solomon in the pile beside my bed, giving voice to all that I am
feeling for you right now, giving voice to my restless heart shouting for you
right now..your name in the dark..
You split me and tore my heart open
You filled me with love
You poured your spirit into mine
I know you as I know myself
My eyes are radiant with your light
My ears delight in your music
My nostrils are filled with your fragrance
My face is covered with your dew
You have made all things new
You have made me see all things shining
You have granted me perfect ease
I have become like Paradise..
back to top
What keeps people together?
Hormones and hard work. Restlessness sets in one to two years into a
relationship, according to new research from the Universities of Pavia and Pisa, in
Italy. Thats the period in which the chemical activity associated with new love
(high dopamine, for example) dies down.
Fortunately, there are ways to keep the spark alive. Sexual contact drives up
dopamine levels. Novelty does, too, which is why you tend to feel so good
about somebody after taking a trip or going through an unusual experience
together. Frequent physical contact is most likely to maintain elevated oxytocin
levels, which is why holding hands, stroking your partner, or any other kind of
touch can create feelings of attachment.
back to top
Can love affect your health?
Research has found that couples in good relationships tend to be healthier
and happier. Happily married couples report lower stress than single people, in
part because they provide each other with emotional support in difficult
times, says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a professor of psychiatry at Ohio State
University, in Columbus. Lower stress translates into better health and immune
function. For example, people who are in conflict-ridden relationships might see
cuts and bruises heal more slowlyby as much as 40 percent, according to a
2005 experiment at the Ohio State University College of Medicine. And breakups
have been shown to cause physical pain. A 2003 study looked at people playing a
virtual ball-tossing game. Those people rejected during the game showed
activity in the pain area of their brains. In evolutionary terms, exclusion can be
as bad for survival as a real injury, and our bodies automatically know this,
explains the studys author, Naomi Eisenberger, a postdoctoral scholar at the
University of California, Los Angeles.
back to top
Why do people cheat?
Attraction, romantic love, and attachment involve three overlapping but
separate brain systems. Its not hard for somebody to sexually desire one person,
be infatuated with another, and still want to spend the rest of his or her
life with a third, says anthropology professor Helen Fisher. Because each kind
of love serves a unique need and exists in a different context, cheaters are
able to divide their emotional resources.
What makes one person more likely to cheat compared with another? The answers
are both inconsistent and varied. Fisher suspects the propensity to stray may
be stronger in people who have novelty-seeking, dopamine-sensitive
personalities. But factors unique to the relationship a need for attention, a desire
to get out of the situation are just as likely to fuel infidelity.
back to top
Does love make you more trusting?
Lovers do tend to see the world through rose-colored glasses. In one
experiment, researchers devised a game in which subjects were given a sum of money to
invest with a trustee, either in a lump sum or piecemeal. Anything given to
the trustee would triple in value, but it was up to the subject to decide how
much to turn over. Half the participants used a nose spray before the experiment
that was a placebo; the other half used one with oxytocin. Subjects who took
the oxytocin were nearly twice as likely to turn all their money over to a
trustee. A subsequent experiment at the National Institute of Mental Health
(NIMH), in Washington, D.C., found that subjects who inhaled oxytocin before
looking at pictures of threatening faces had markedly lower activity in their brains
fear centers. These results suggest that oxytocin increases trust, says
Thomas Insel, M.D., director of the NIMH.
back to top
What makes people commit?
Gene variation may be partly to blame. Scientists at Emory University, in
Atlanta, looked at the effect of vasopressin in two closely related kinds of
rodents the prairie vole and the meadow vole. Like humans, the prairie vole is
one of the 3 percent of mammalian species that form monogamous pair bonds. The
meadow vole doesnt. But when male meadow voles were injected with a gene
responsible for releasing vasopressin receptors, they immediately lost their
wanderlust, paired up, and settled down.
The studys researchers think the number of vasopressin receptors an
individual has could lay the foundation for his propensity to commit. Theres
something at work with a couple that stays together for 50 years, bad years included,
says Melvin Konner, M.D., a professor of anthropology and behavioral
biology at Emory, who wrote a commentary on the experiment. Its hard to imagine
that its just a question of compatible personalities or strict beliefs.
back to top
What makes people commit?
As a happily single, life-long serial monogomist, I always wondered about
commitment issues. The chemical answer to what makes people commit and I believe
I found the answer..
Humans are hardwired to stick together. Intimate relationships trigger the
production of oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals that scientists have nicknamed
cuddle hormones. A mere touch from a loved one can elevate their levels,
and after sex they flood the system. We think of these hormones as playing an
important role later on in the relationship, Lucy Brown, Ph.D., a professor
of neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, in New York City,
says, when you really know the persons flaws.
Another mystery solved..
back to top
Can love be addictive?
Huh! That one I really want to know!
Turnes out it is and again, our body chemistry, hormones are to blame :-)
Love plays havoc with our body chemistry, causing us to act like an addict bent
on scoring her next fix. Studies have found, for instance, that serotonin
levels decrease by up to 40 percent in the newly smitten, causing some to show
signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition associated with low serotonin
which is why you cant seem to get the other person out of your head.
Additionally, cortisol, a stress hormone linked with the fight-or-flight response,
is released, so youre constantly on high alert. Sound familiar?
Research published in 2005 by a team that included Brown and Fisher found
that people who had recently fallen in love showed strong activity in the area of
the brain that produces and receives dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated
with addictive behavior whose activity increases when you expect to receive a
reward. Gamblers and drug addicts experience similar dopamine activity. You
re not supposed to be satisfied, explains Helen Fisher, a professor of
anthropology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Youre supposed
to be driven so that you can win the person and eventually stabilize your
When a relationship ends, you experience symptoms that are similar to an
addicts withdrawal. Your dopamine levels go down, so your mood suffers. Your
serotonin levels remain low, so your obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms may
not go away. In response to these imbalances, some scientists believe,
risk-taking tendencies go up. When you cant have someone but youre not willing to
accept that, you try harder and become more extreme about it, says Fisher.
Paradoxically, she says, this compulsive behavior may help you move on faster:
Either you win the person back or you drive him away.
back to top
Is love blind?
Not exactly, but once youre hooked, your vision gets cloudy. When youre
in a relationship, youre aware of the other persons flaws, but your brain is
telling you its OK to ignore them, says Lucy Brown, Ph.D., a professor of
neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, in New York City, who
specializes in the brains response to love. Recent studies at the Wellcome
Department of Neuroimaging at University College in London found that when
romantic partners look at each other, the part of the brain associated with social
assessment and negative emotion is relatively dormant and critical judgment
is dulled. According to Fisher, this mechanism may have evolved to help people
stick together through early, sometimes stressful child-rearing stages.
back to top
How much do looks count?
We all can come up with a million "opinions" of our own. Frankly, I am not
interested in that, on this one. I really want to get to the buttom of the issue
once and for all, so I knock on the doors of scientists and researchers, not
only sociologists and psychologists but, biochemists, neurologists, etc. The
answer is predictable but did you know that it is directly linked to our
bio-chemistry and not so much to our social conditionings and subconcious
Physical features are important to both sexes, but a bit more so to men.
During attraction, the parts of a mans brain associated with processing visual
information are more active, says Louann Brizendine, a clinical professor of
psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, and the author of
The Female Brain Thats true for women too, but they also show activity in
the brain regions that integrate decision making, which suggests theyre
thinking about a little bit more than just how he looks. Wouldn't you say that we
girls, know how to use our God given gift better than you guys? I am talking
about our brain, don't be naughty now!
back to top
Not just fascinated by all forms of expression in human sexuality but I am a
huge romance addict and determined to figure out all the mysteries of love,
romantic love that is, before the day I say good-bye to this world. Too
ambitious of an undertaking? Maybe..but I have the time (I have all my life ahaed) and
the drive, (the most passionate drive that is out there) to find out. So,
here I start my research & study, and I will appreciate and welcome all
What rules attraction?
This is something I thought long and hard about during all my life, tried to
observe as much as I could, both from my own life and from others around me.
Here's the result that is well backed up with variety of research: In general,
we gravitate toward people like us. Good-looking people tend to go for
similarly good-looking types, and those from a particular socio-economic background
favor their own. Experts believe this happens because perceived equality
contributes to a stable union. Well-known actresses pair up with rock stars, for
example, because such men tend to be as rich and famous as they are. But once you
get past the bone structure and bank account and into personality attributes,
opposites often attract. Were apt to fall in love with those who are
mysterious and challenging to us, says Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology
at Rutgers University, in New Brunswick, New Jersey, and the author of Why We
Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love This pull to another
biological type could also be adaptive, says Fisher. If two very different people
pool their DNA, theyll create more genetic variety, and their young will come
to the job of parenting with a wider array of skills.
Huh, who knew? It is all about procreative subconscious urges..-again-!
back to top
Partial content for research entries: courtesy of The Bitch Magazine, The Real Simple Magazine, all other unquantitative content: All Rights Reserved by Tess Eloise 2006, all original.